Thursday, December 29, 2011

The restriction continues...

Generally when it's just stress my sleeve only clamps down for a few days. This time? Not so much. It's been a few weeks now and my weight has gone crazy. Down a total of 114 lbs now, weighing in at 126 lbs. Way less than I ever expected to weight. Officially in a size 2 now! Craziness.

I finally had to give in to see the doctors. The drastic weight loss 10 months post op and well below goal was concerning. My inability to eat bothered me even more.

So I had a scope done. Again. I think it was #4 or #5. Can't believe I have lost track.

We suspected a stricture, a simple thing that would have just required a balloon to expand the stricture and I could have gone on my merry way and eaten normally again.

This is not what was found though. Instead a gastric polyp was found, removed and biopsied. I have chronic gastritis and a sample was taken of that as well. Also Gastric mucosal abnormality characterized by erythema-also biopsied. Quite the name, don't ya think?

Basically my sleeve has inflammation and redness, the biopsies should show if there is something further going on, clearly something HAS to be up for me to have inflammation and redness still at 10 months out. H Pylori is suspected, the symptoms fit and the good news is that if this is what it is, strong antibiotics and continuing my PPI should clear it up. But I will not know for a few weeks which is a total bummer.

In other news, my friend Missy texted me today, telling me her mom is in kidney failure and expected to die in the next 3 days :( So PLEASE pray for Yolanda...she needs all the prayers she can get...

Sunday, December 11, 2011

My Sleeve is Not Always My Friend

Most of the time, my sleeve and I get along just fine. Tonight? Not so much. Of course I have a bajillion things on my mind. I was insanely busy today, I spent way more time on my feet than I normally would, I was on the go, all day today. But I could not sleep. I finally fell asleep and my sleeve decided not to cooperate and here I am after 2 hours of off and on sleep.

It will be a LONG day. My day consists of being gone all day. Which means no lazy, Sunday afternoon nap like normal.

You see, if I am stressed out my sleeve likes to clamp on down and give me a ton of restriction. Normally I can an entire string cheese for a meal (sounds lame, right? ) and this is ok with me. When stressed, I can usually eat about a 1/4-1/2 of a string cheese. It can be a wee bit scary when you know you barely eat enough anyways.

The good news is that my sleeve will chill in a few days, she is just picky at times.

She also does not appreciate when I space on my medications.

One of the drawbacks of my sleeve and the complications I had/have dealt with, is acid reflux. Something I had only suffered from in my twins pregnancy. Now? It's a normal every day part of life that exists of 2 Nexiums and 1 Zantac a day. It's not normal reflux like most people have. It's a direct result of my surgery and me being a complete freak show and NOW having a Hiatal Hernia, when most have it before and have it repaired during their WLS.

Ya see, my body likes to keep it interesting.

Stupid me, was distracted this morning and spaced on my Nexium. So I took it before we ate dinner. And then I spaced and did not take my second dose later in the evening. My bad.

In other sleeve related news, I have continued to lose weight. Craziness I tell you. I am at the point where I am (when she is happy) trying to increase my calories with more healthy fats (ok and some candy lol) to stop losing. At some point my body will be happy and just want to stop naturally but I don't think I want to know just how low it wants to go. My current weight is 134 lbs. Um yeah, I haven't weighed this since early high school, like sophmore year kind of high school. I didn't think it could happen. I actually fit into juniors sized clothing. Uh yeah. I have 4 kids and I can wear juniors! Even better? I was in a 5 juniors and I need to move down to a 3!!

Life in general is super crazy. Between homeschool and Tae Kwon Do and kickboxing (for me), cooking, cleaning, shopping, Church responsibilities, and a ton of other responsibilities we are always on the go these days.

My friend Mike I mentioned recently went home to be with the Lord. We are thankful he is no longer in pain but our hearts break for his wife and family :( The week prior to that we had an 87 year old lady go Home too. So it's also been a very emotional time for all.

I suppose that is enough rambling from this sleep deprived state....So I will leave you with the only recent (and not so flattering picture of me in a size 8 dress that is now way too big on me!) pic of the kids and I, ignore the crummy quality

Monday, November 7, 2011

Sometimes it is hard to stay positive

Praise the Lord I know He is in control...

Because sometimes it is so hard to just stay positive when watching so much illness around...

There is a lady that I love dearly. She was always like a mom to me. She is my YoYo <3 A few days ago her daughter, who was my best friend in high school, contacted me to let me know YoYo was in the hospital and the doctors thought it was cancer. And that it was affecting many organs. She has been in pain for quite awhile.

I called YoYo today, she started to cry. She said she knew something was wrong but ignored it. Today the diagnosis came back as Stage 4 metastatic liver cancer. They cannot operate. They said if anything they could do chemotherapy. For now she is still in the hospital and once she is home she will get to go see an oncologist and start figuring out what the next course of action is. Her husband, I call him RiRi, is sick too. It's a miracle he is still alive as he has been sick for as long as I have known him...

They are both fighters and I praise the Lord for that.

Then there is Mike. Mike is one of my closest friends husband. He is a trustee in our Church, he is the associate Pastors son. He loves the Lord, he loves his family, he loves his friends, he is an encouragement to all those around him right now. Mike has cancer. Mike is not doing well and was taken back to Hospice today. He is only in his 20s and losing his battle with cancer. My friend, only 28 years old, is facing a life without her husband.


Monday, October 24, 2011

From that to this

Even my hubs has changed, his braces are FINALLY off!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Small sizes don't last!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be complaining about skinny people clothes ;) Why is it that my fat clothes seemed to last FOREVER but these skinny clothes just don't last?

I am now inching towards 8 months post op. And I am still losing. Slowly. But the weight is still moving down. Since my last update I am down another 8 lbs, putting me at 142, however I flew right though an entire clothing size! Seriously. It lasted like a month, if even that.

Not long ago I was super excited to squeeze into a size 8. Two days ago I had to go buy a pair of size 4 jeans because 6s were falling off. I am now buying small shirts too. WHAT?! Craziness! Many times my husband and I discussed that I would probably be in a 6 once I had a tummy tuck. Uh yeah. If I am already in a 4, will I actually get smaller once I have the oh-so-lovely 3 c-sectioned, twin carrying gut removed?! After many complaints and dealing with issues with the plastic surgeon I am preparing to go see my surgeon again and discuss a tummy tuck with him and pray he takes sympathy on me..

It's not just an issue with vanity. I am not one of those girls that just wants to wear a bikini because frankly bikinis kind of freak me out. I don't like the idea of everyone being able to see that much skin on me, so no, you won't ever catch me in one. It's a matter of comfort and decreased pain. Looking in the mirror does gross me out. And it's not just because I was fat and have excess skin, it is actually an issue with having had 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years. And having carried twins. You see the excess skin and of course the fat that is left there hangs over the crease from my c-section scar. I actually broke down and measured it a few days ago. The excess hangs 2 1/2 inches below my scar. When I measured around it and under it at the scar, there is actually a 3 inch different in the size of my waist.

Then there is the medical side of it, which my primary doctor is dumbfounded by this new plastic surgeon I saw, is claiming it to not be medically necessary. I cannot eat sitting upright, if I do, the fat/skin pushes up and restricts even further what I can eat. Now it's important to know how little I still eat. I am sitting around 1/4 cup of food at a time. If I sit up right like a normal person that amount is about cut in half. I have to stand or sit leaning back right now to eat. It's annoying. Then the issue with jumping. I cannot run or jump at all unless I bind my gut tightly and that is just not comfortable. If I jump up the excess flops up with me and flops down HARD. Add in back issues that cause daily every day of my life, a lack of muscle strength from the previous surgeries, and scar tissue that has caused pain, you can imagine how painful that whole jumping/running thing becomes. It's just not pleasant.

Overall I am so glad I went through with this surgery, though it didn't fix all the problems, like the sleep apnea that is just as bad now as it was before, it was still worth it, even with the complications...

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Woohoo for giveaways

I have been wanting to try these products forever so head on over and enter this giveaway!

Monday, September 12, 2011


I cannot believe it. It has been 6 1/2 months since my surgery and I have lost all the weight I wanted to. Every last stinkin ounce. 90.0 lbs to be exact. I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and imagine my surprise to see that I now weighed in at 150.8 lbs. The best part? No one believes I weigh that much ;) Gotta love having a body that can hide the weight haha!

So now here I am, weighing what I haven't weighed in 10 years. Yes seriously, I weigh right around what I did when I got married nearly 10 years ago. There was a short time period when I did get close to this weight due to some serious medical issues after the birth of our twins but that was short lived.

I can fit into my wedding dress. I can wear two juniors skirts I had from when I was a teenager. My rings are too big. Everything is too big! YAY!

Now that I have hit my goal I am beyond thrilled. I never cared too much about my weight, it was more wanting to fit into a size 8, which I do. Now I might just go for a size 6 ;)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Where were you?

10 years have passed since his horrible day...

I remember where I was, do you?

I didn't have children yet. I wasn't even married. I didn't even know my husband yet. I had never sent someone off to war. I was just a teenager who had just graduated high school a few months prior.

I had gone to my best friends house the night before. We stayed up late and planned to sleep in late. For some reason we both woke up. Her dad was in the kitchen and told us to turn on the tv. She turned it on, I thought it was a movie.

There is no way this was reality. Stuff like that doesn't happen in the USA. It. Just. Cant. Be. Real.

She changed the channel, there it was again. And again. And again.

We spent the morning watching the news until it was time for me to go. We watched it all happen. Over. And over. And over again.

I had never felt so scared, how could this happen? Who did this? Why did they do this? Are they targeting where we were too? Would I be safe to drive home? So many thoughts ran through my head that day.

I was terrified to drive home, scared to be on the fwy. Scared someone was going to crash a plane into somewhere I was going to be.

So many lives lost. So many families torn apart and left devastated and forced to rebuild a new life. So many heros risked their lives and many lost their lives trying to help the others get out.

And now here we are 10 years later. I have since met my husband, married my husband, sent him off to war twice, had 4 children, buried 1 of them, dealt with the PTSD after affects of war and countless other life experiences. And now little by little watch as our own country falls apart. Praying for no more terrorists attacks but knowing there are people who hate us. People who cannot stand freedom. People who cannot stand the one true and living God. It's an evil world. 10 years ago today, our eyes were truly opened to the evils of this world. So many lives changed forever.

Yet we have a chance now to look and see God's hand in this, He has carried us through this terror, He promises an eternal life in Heaven if we just trust in Jesus Christ. We don't need to be scared anymore. We have eternal life on our side. Praise the Lord for that!

I know I will never forget September 11th, 2001....

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Restriction and 6 months

One of the best parts of the sleeve is restriction.

One of the worst parts of the sleeve is restriction.

The good part is that it forces you to limit what you eat. Let me tell you from personal experience, if you eat too much, even one tiny little bite over where you know you should stop, you risk feeling pretty crummy. You end up feeling like you ate a 10 course meal after 1/4 cup of food. You learn quickly where to stop yet temptation rises from time to time and you just HAVE to have 1 more bite and you pay for it.

Restriction from stress is the most annoying part though. Amazing how our bodies react to stress, it reacts in ways you never imagined. Like in your stomach tensing up and not being able to eat more than a few bites. This is where I am at right now. And it is not fun. To give you an idea of stress restriction today I started off the day with half a string cheese. Normally I can eat a whole one. For lunch I had 2 tortilla chips with a little salsa and about 1 tablespoon of shredded chicken in an enchilada dish at Church. For dinner I ate 2 tortilla chips and 1/4 of a chicken croissant. I just ate another 1/4 of the croissant. These are the small ones too so you can picture how little it really was. There was no room for any other snacks, nothing because my sleeve has tightened up so drastically. What a pain!

So after all that complaining, I will say I am still glad I had the surgery. It has been 6 months since I went under the knife and sit only 5 lbs from goal and I am not even concerned with losing that last 5 lbs. Apparently in person I look much smaller than I am, MUCH smaller. The latest comment was between 115-125 lbs! Craziness! And this came from different people at different times. I weigh 155 lbs right now. Granted I always was able to hide my weight well when I was around the weight I am now. I fit my wedding dress. I fit clothes I wore in high school. It is crazy! I am officially in the size goal I wanted to hit. So I am fine where I am, I don't care if that stupid BMI scale still lists me as overweight, whatever.

I am down a total of 85 lbs and who knows how many inches, I will take those again sometime this week. I go in soon for my 6 month check up and I am pretty certain this time my labs will be off. I am guessing I am anemic but that is nothing new, I spent most my life anemic. I see a different surgeon since my is deployed and I am so curious to see what this surgeon will say regarding my weight. I will also begin the fight for reconstructive surgery. After 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years and having carried twins, my stomach is destroyed and only surgery will fix it at this point.

All that late night rambling just to say I still love my sleeve, even when the restriction hits hard. The results have been well worth it.

Monday, August 15, 2011

"I don't remember that"

Twice tonight I heard the words "I don't remember that" And this was after showing my before pictures. It's amazing how quickly we can forget just what a person we see all the time looked like. I know for me, I find myself forgetting just how far I have come in 5 1/2 months. I am now down 81 lbs. I am 9 lbs from my goal. So stinkin close! Yet at times I feel like I am still just a fat cow. At other times I feel like I have always been as "skinny" as I am now.

Lately there have been so many compliments, this is hard for me to take. I do not like receiving so much attention but at the same time it serves as a good reminder of how much I have changed. I am the same opinionated and sarcastic person I have always been but I don't hide so much from other people I do not know anymore. I am not ashamed of how I look, of course I still struggle with the new image I see in the mirror and constantly wonder if what I see is real but that is normal, especially this early out. So many people comment not only on how I look but how I carry myself, I stand a little taller, I have grown out of feeling the need to dress in frumpy fat clothes, I dress my age, I experiment with styles now instead of looking for the biggest thing I can find to cover my lard up. I put a little more effort into how I look including hair and makeup. My husband loves it. Most men don't encourage shopping but mine, well, lets just say he has restocked my side of the closet ha!

People are starting to see the real me again, the me that was hidden for so many years after struggling to get a handle on my weight. I have even started taking pictures again when I have hidden from the cameras for so long.

And now I am at a point where I am trying to fix the years of damage done to my body, it will take plastic surgery to fix my stomach, there is no question there. I have been on the wait list for 2 years anyways to fix that, long before I even considered WLS. After 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years, the last of which being twins, there is no hope in my stomach naturally going back to what it ought to be. Just tonight I couldn't help but laugh at the reaction of several ladies who had no idea just how much is left of my stomach, it hides well under clothes but once you grab a handful, it is shocking. Needless to say their jaws dropped when they saw just how much was hiding ;)

So here I am in the home stretch, ready to hit my goal!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Would ya hurry up already?!

I am an impatient person.

Extremely impatient.

Right now I am far too impatient.

I am ready to hit my goal. I know, I know. Just quite whining, right? Yes I should just be happy that I have lost 74 lbs and counting yet that impatient part of me is ready to just hit goal. I'm ready to replace all my clothes and get clothes that will fit more than a few weeks to a month. Instead I continue to waste money buying these clothes that just won't last. I should be glad they won't last but wasting money drives me crazy. I have no choice but to buy them, I am out of my "skinny clothes" (which were not really skinny clothes lol), hubby does not appreciate when my clothes are falling off lol.

I have had no luck lately at the thrift shops, and trust me I have hit them all. Apparently when you are skinnier you are supposed to wear jeans that allow other's to see your fat gut hanging over them or see more than they should from behind. Everything is so low cut.

Over the weekend hubby insisted we go shopping, I did get some awesome deals but it took a lot of shopping. You see, clothing manufacturers must think we are all either teenagers or 90 years old. I am neither. I like to dress conservatively, leaving a little something to the imagination yet still look cute. It seems these manufacturers don't believe in conservative dress anymore.

At any rate, after hours of shopping over 2 days I walked away with a pair of heels, a pair of DCs (super cute black, pink and white shoes!), 2 pairs of jeans, 5 shirts, 2 shrugs, 1 pj shirt, 3 pj shorts, 4 tank tops to layer with, and a bunch of undergarments. Thankfully the only things that won't last are the pants and I got those on sale.

I am still amazed I can fit into a size 12 jean. Sounds big to some but man alive! It has been years since I fit into a size 12. I held them up and told my husband there was no way they would fit. And then they fit. HA! Just further proof that it takes a LONG time for the mind to catch up the changes.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

72 lbs in 4 1/2 months at

So this took a lot of talking myself into it. This is one of those things that a person wants to share to show how far they have really come yet they fear sharing just how bad it really was. It's embarrassing to look back at these pictures but it's amazing to know I will not go back there again. I was fat, I felt gross, I looked awful, I was flat out miserable in my body.

Now don't get me wrong, I am still not happy with my body but I am not nearly as embarrassed as I was all those months ago. Making this video forced me to look back and see just how far I really have come. It's easy to let your mind play tricks on you and make you think you are still that same old fat girl even when you see the scale and the measuring tape move so drastically. But when you look at the pictures, you are forced to see what you looked like and what you now look like.

So after much talking to myself and my husband pushing me to show it, I will share my 4 1/2 month post-VSG results video. Eventually I will get around to taking more body shots but I still tend to hide from the camera and I'm not exactly sure where my camera charger is anyways ;) Oh and I should point out I am now down 74 lbs ;) I made the video last week. 16 more to go!

Monday, June 27, 2011

WHAT?! How many inches?!

Tomorrow is my 4 month surgiversary. Hard to believe it has been 4 months since I went under the knife again.

So in honor of my weigh-in day I also took my measurements. Apparently I have not done so since 1 month post-op.

Let me just say, the amount of inches lost off my body was shocking.

Now I know I was fat. Even now I am still considered "over weight" by the BMI scales but according to everyone I look like a normal weight now. When the kids and I went to visit my grandparents for their wedding (long story but yes they just got married after 36+ years) she was amazed at just how much I still weigh, she thought I was a good 40 lbs less than where I am. KInda nice to hear. And grandma is not one of those to lie to make you feel better kinda people. I guess I hide my weight well.

So anyways, back to the measurements. I have lost 63 3/4 inches off my body. YES people, you read that number right. What a HUGE number. Part of me is seriously embarrassed over the fact that I have lost that much and yet still have another 22 lbs to go until I hit goal. The other part of me says BOOYAH!! I know my clothing sizes have changed drastically and I know the scale now reads 68 lbs less but still! THat number is amazing.

Once hubby came home from work, I showed him the numbers. At that moment it dawned on me that I have lost my height in inches off my body. INSANE! I am just under 5'4. I stood there just trying to figure out how in the world a person can lose as many inches as I am tall?!

So there it is, out in the open.

The best part is knowing I will not go back to that. I can eat anything I want but in very small quantities. I do not deprive myself. If I want ice cream, I eat it, it's just 1/4 cup verses the 2 scoops I would have eaten before. If I want chips I eat 5 or 6 and I'm full. No longer do I sit and inhale 1/4 of a bag of chips. If I want to go out to dinner, I eat a couple of bites off hubbys plate, not only does it save us money but it also cuts down on his portion size as well.

Though I now take acid reducing meds (hopefully this is just temporary) and I eat less than a toddler, I live a normal life and eat normal stuff just like everyone else.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

And another giveaway :)

Loving all these great blogger giveaways today, this one looks really cool too with so many great things up for grabs to make the perfect party :)

I'm such a sucker for a giveaway

SO many great giveaways in the blogging world lately. This one is super cute so I had to share

Monday, May 30, 2011

3 months and 59 lbs.

Who would have thought in 3 months I would be down 59 lbs?! I am literally only a few ounces from being a full on 60 lbs down. Totally crazy if you ask me. I am only 30 lbs from goal. CRAZY!

Finally I am eating normal again. Tonight I am eating a new favorite from Denny's. Its a grilled tortilla with sauce that taste just like Thousand Island on it, ground beef, lettuce, tomatoes and cheese on top of that. So good! So easy to make at home too so that is awesome.

I haven't found anything that I cannot eat, but I have found tastes to be totally different, stuff I loved before, I no longer can stand. Sweet things taste way too sweet. I am not one of those post-ops that completely eliminates real sugar, I cannot stand fake sugar so if I need it, I use the real stuff. Most things I use the normal fat types vs the low fat, tastes gross, with plenty of added junk to make it taste halfway decent.

I also do not measure my foods, I just eyeball it and if it ends up being too much I toss it when I am full. I do not track what I eat either, so many WLS people track their calories, protein, carbs, fat, etc. I just don't do it and it works fine for me. I do eat protein first, fruits/veg next, carbs last.

I am terrible with taking my vitamins too so I was pleasantly surprised at my 3 month post-op appt to find my labs looked fine. My vit D was a little low, not surprising considering where I live. My bad cholesterol was a little high, good cholesterol a little low, and my parathyroid intact was a little high. I will go on a once a week Vit D pill for 12 weeks to take care of that, exercise for the cholesterol and since the rest of the labs look fine there is no concern over the parathyroid intact.

All in all things look fine. I have slowly finding more energy but still dealing with occasional pain daily. Because of the pain I will go in for another scope. The original plan after my hospital stay was to go in for 2 more scopes. One has been done to close the hole in my sleeve and this one was up in the air. Since the pain comes daily the decision was made to go ahead and look to see if there is a stricture. Hopefully this will be the last one.

It's just amazing to see all the changes in my body :)

Monday, April 25, 2011

I love giveaways!

I love this site and was thrilled to see an awesome giveaway this morning for a Shaklee cleaning kit. I hate having a million bottles of cleaners, I like to keep things simple and I prefer cleaners without all that gross harmful stuff in them. I have been considering giving this stuff a try so hop on over and check out this awesome giveaway.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

So much to cover

So my blog was temporarily deleted and now I am back.

A few weeks ago my husband was off training. Then I started getting these phone calls. Creepy calls. And the caller knew too much about me. I was freaked. My husband was freaked too especially being so far away and unable to do anything to "protect" us. The calls came from various numbers, all local numbers. I called and had the numbers blocked but not much you can do when the numbers are all different. It turns out the calls came from some phone app ugh! AND the calls came from my little brothers friend. I was furious!! Of course I didn't find this out until after I had already filed a police report and changed my phone number as well as deleted any personal information, including my blog.

My brother didn't realize it was as big as a deal as it was. He tends not to realize the obvious. At any rate it had me very scared and now I would like to punch my brother in the nose. Good thing he lives out of state.

So finally my husband came home from his training. During the time he was gone, I was not feeling well, I was having lots of pain, thankfully I made it through until he came home. He came home on a Saturday night, Sunday we went to Church and then out to eat with our Pastor and his family to celebrate my husband and my 9th wedding anniversary. By Monday the pain just continued to get worse. My husband came home early from work and sent me off to the ER.

Because the pain is in my chest I had an EKG, then chest x ray. Then sat in the ER waiting room or 4 hours before I was finally called back. Another EKG, pain meds, labs, constant heart monitering, and a CT, I was admitted.

The next morning I had a scope done to check to see if anything was wrong in my sleeve. I had what is known as a stricture. basicially an area of my sleeve got too tight, they ballooned it open. Over the next few days the pain got worse and nausea set in in a big way. I had another CT, a swallow study (WORST TEST EVER AFTER HAVING WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY!!!), lots of labs, which lead to blown veins and eventually a PICC line being put in), another x-ray, then another scope. This time the scope showed a small hole near the top of my sleeve, they wanted to glue it from the inside to help quicken to healing process. Of course my hospital ran out of the glue that is needed so I sat around waiting for it.

My surgeon wants the most conservative approach taken, Praise the Lord for a good surgeon who doesn't like to take risks. During the whole time I was unable to eat or drink and I swelled up like a balloon from all the fluids.

Yesterday after much begging I was discharged after 12 days in the hospital. I just started being able to tolerate pureed foods yesterday which helped me to get home. I kind of pushed as hard as I could, knowing I would heal better at home and knowing that I needed my family with me. I still have not been glued since it didn't come in on time but the hole is small enough that they do not believe anything is leaking from it or causing issues other than pain. So next week I will be scoped again and a week or two later I will be scoped again to balloon open the sleeve again.

My husband has been absolutely wonderful during this whole thing. He had to take leave from work to take care of the family. He did all his responsibilities plus mine. What a relief to know that I married a man who so willingly took care of everything while I was gone. He visited me daily which was a blessing. It is so lonely in the hospital, even when you are forced to share a room...I started out in a 4 person room and ended in a 2 person room. Hubby even took care of the babysitting responsibilities that I had committed to. He is really an amazing man. I felt terrible not even being home for his birthday last week. A friend made dinner for the family and brought cupcakes that day though so that was a blessing.

I am so thankful to finally be home to recooperate. The whole thing was very trying on my body. My body is weak as it is. So this just made it more difficult.

Thankfully my aunt flew in today to help out and she leaves the day my grandma flies in to help out as well.

Next week hubby has surgery so it will be my turn to take care of him.

Pain meds are kicking in so I suppose I should head up to bed before I crash out on the couch.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Waiting for things to be "normal"

The feeling post-op is one I cannot describe, it changes many things. It changes your energy level, it changes your mind, it changes how you eat and how you view food, and it changes your body.

Those you of you who know me, know that I am terribly impatient. Right now I am super impatient. I am not wanting to just eat food, I am wanting to be able to handle food without feeling awful. I am wanting energy to get up and clean my house or do the million other things I need to do.

Its a balancing act, I suppose. A very slow process for an impatient person makes them very cranky. Have I mentioned that the surgery and weight loss also affects your hormones? It actually does. So that makes me more cranky ;)

Thankfully my very supportive, encouraging husband has been dealing with me and helping me get through all these changes and has yet to lose his temper with me over my drama-queen moments. He has let me just go to bed more than once, realizing that I do feel actual pain and exhaustion. So many people don't understand what weight loss surgery does to you unless you have been through it. Its not a process I would want to repeat thats for sure.

Hopefully things will continue to get better quickly. I started on a new medication today to deal with heartburn and prayerfully it will work. Heartburn BITES! The only other time I dealt with it was while on hospital bedrest with the twins and there I had medication any time I needed it so it was not nearly as annoying as what I am experiencing now.

Oh and before I forget I am officially getting to the point of having to get rid of clothes, like my favorite Church skirt. I wore it on Sunday and well its supposed to hit just below the knee and now is half way down my calf lol.I was able to pull the skirt off without even unzipping it. Thankfully the support group I go to do a clothing exchange every other month, I have a feeling many of my old clothes will be making their way to the group in the next few months ;)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Finally some food!

It seems a lot of the nausea has been from a lack of food, which I suspected was the case. I don't feel real hunger like I did pre-op, but imagine a time where you went way too many hours of not eating and that nausea starts to kick in. Then multiply that feeling by 4 weeks. Yeah, not pleasant.

My "green book" that was given to me by the nutritionist that had my dietary guidelines in had gone missing. Of course today I send hubby off to get a new book and within an hour or so I found the other one. No idea how either of us had not been able to find it because it was in plain site ha.

So anyways, it said liquid diet for at least 2 weeks post-op and that is where I am now so I decided I needed to start adding food.

Of course my idea of food now is drastically different. I cannot have fresh fruits and veggies yet but I can have the canned stuff so I grabbed a can of sliced peaches and ate 1 1/2 slices before I was full haha. For dinner a friend brought over baked mac n cheese. Now I know many say to completely avoid carbs but lets me honest here, the amount I can eat is not significant enough to make a difference, I just have to be careful to make it an occational "treat". So I ate some, took me probably 30-45 minutes to eat 1/8th of a cup. I have to eat s l o w l y and I have to chew to a baby food consistancy so it take a good long while for me to eat.

So far so good. I feel less nausea now as long as I don't go too many hours between eating. I still need to do a lot of work on getting enough protein but I know it will come with time.

Now I just need to get rid of the pain.

Friday, March 11, 2011

This is really, really hard

There is a phase I have read about many, many times in the online Weight Loss Surgery forums I frequent. I am in that phase now.

In the beginning stages you are not allowed much, well really it depends on the surgeon, some people are allowed to eat normal food right away. Um, yeah, there is NO way I could handle that. I am in the full liquid stage right now, similar to my pre-op diet HOWEVER my sleeve can not handle half, well most, of what it did when I had a full on regular old stomach.

Foods make me nauseous. I am not getting enough in, I live on water and the occational few ounces of greek yogurt or decaf tea with nothing in it or a sugar free popsicle. I tried cream of chicken tonight, um note to self, use only water, not milk to make the soup with, the milk makes it far too creamy and it made me feel worse.

I am lucky to get in 100 calories a day right now. I would be surprised if I got anywhere near that most days.

I really enjoyed sugar free protein pudding prior to surgery and now its just too much, it makes me feel sick.

So back to this phase I am in, most people begin to wonder WHY this did this to themselves. WHY couldn't I just do this myself?! Why did I have to surgically deal with my non-stop weight issues. This is torture. Eating so little is not fun, especially healing from such a major surgery. Smelling the foods you love is so hard knowing you cannot eat it. Trying to function has not been easy.

Thank the Lord my husband has been able to be home with me for the last two weeks. I have needed him so much. I am tired so easily. Going up and down the stairs leaves me winded, my pulse is still high too, and really it makes my life harder. I have children to care for and just have not been up to do all it takes, so he has been such a blessing to have around. He has done the babysitting, the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping all of it.

He has been cooking the most amazing meals too, Quesidilla Casserole and he even made homemade Alfredo sauce one night. A few nights I told him just to take a break from cooking and grab something, tonight I even went out and bought McDonalds for the family. It was torture driving home with that in the car but I knew he needed the break and our son had a minor surgery today and that was his only request so I caved. I didn't want to eat the food but I wanted to just taste it, chew it, then spit it out because the idea of eating makes me nauseous right now.

So I guess I am done rambling. This phase is hard and a huge part of me wishes I have given in and not gotten the surgery.

Oh and I am down 16 or 17 lbs in 11 days. That puts me at nearly a 30 lb weight loss in 3 1/2 weeks. Crazy if ya ask me.

Thursday, March 3, 2011


I'm finally sleeved and finally home. Came home last night and boy was I glad to finally be home. Though my pain is higher at home since I'm on different meds now, it's much better to be here in my own bed, able to see the kids whenever I feel like it.

Surgery went well. The doctor said there were no issues with the surgery so thats a blessing. I was under for 4 hours so I was quite loopy all Monday night and into Tuesday. Since my surgery was later in the day that meant being woken up nearly hourly by doctors and nurses all Monday night. I remember trying so hard to stay awake but it just wasn't working for me. I was not able to get up and move either because I was so drugged.

Tuesday I had a leak test done and once that came back fine they took out the catheter and started me on clear liquids. It's not easy to get all those liquids though, thats for sure. I did end up needing magnesium so I got that through the IV and then they stopped the flow and let me try to hydrate myself.

Wednesday they had to hook me back up to the IV so I could get some potassium, let me tell ya, that stuff burns! She had to keep messing with it and finally just hooked it up to other IV running to dilute the potassium.

My nurses and doctors were great, all had a great sense of humor so that was nice. Thankfully I was not in a packed room either, normally you have 3 other people in one room with you but I had only 1 each day.

Once I got home, hubby got me all settled and into bed I went. I've been walking around as much as I can and trying to get enough fluids in. I'm clear to start full liquids but I'm going to stick with clear liquids for another day at the least, I'm just not wanting anything thicker than water, I am getting in some protein, though not nearly enough but hydration is the key in the first week or two anyways.

Oh and I weighed myself out of curiosity last night and would you believe I lost weight?! I'm full of gas/air that they pumped me full of and plenty of water weight and I have this stupid drain too but I still lost weight. Totally crazy.

Ok, drugs are kicking in so its nap time.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Only a few more days

The day I have been oh so impatiently awaiting is almost here. I have my report time now too :)

The old people, aka my grandparents, got in today. They came in to watch the kids for the first few days.

I am still following the liquid diet, cheating here and there but I'm ok with it. I have found Jamba Juice Strawberry Nirvana with added protein to be a new favorite, of course after surgery I won't be able to drink that any time soon but its ok with me.

I am now down 10 lbs 4 oz! I am so anxious to finally lose ALL the weight and just be a nice healthy size, where I can wear all the cute, non-fat girl sizes.

I do have to be honest, sometimes it really bothers me that I know so many people my age that can just eat whatever they want to eat, whenever they want to and never gain a single pound. It's frustrating to know that is not how my body works.

My hubby has been great, reassuring me that I can do this surgery and I will succeed. The support group has been awesome too, calling me daily to see how I am holding up. THe days before surgery are some of the hardest, knowing I am going into surgery AGAIN is stressful, knowing I will be out of commission for awhile is stressful, knowing that my body is about to go through some drastic changes is stressful. I know I am doing the right thing though, I have to do this for myself, for my family too.

So here we go people. Next time I post again I will be sleeved!

Sunday, February 20, 2011


So Im just going to come clean here.

I totally cheated today.

I've done awesome on my liquid diet, I haven't been getting enough protein but I did finally find an unflavored I could use in pudding so it works great. I've lost 7 1/2 lbs since Monday.

I probably just gained it all back though lol.

Ya see, I had this giftcard for the Cheesecake Factory that one of my favorite people sent to me and well, it was just staring at me, I kept thinking of the yummy salad and pizza *drool*. So I talked my husband into taking us there for dinner tonight. I totally was going to talk him into it anyways, even before i had gotten the gift card though so that just helped me win my case lol.

The weird part...I didn't even want cheesecake. So not typical of me at all. I love the Carrotcake Cheesecake, oh and they used to have this German Chocolate Cheesecake that was just to die for, but I didn't want it. Weirdo me just wanted pizza and salad ha.

So now I'm back on track. That was my cheat.

I've had nothing else to eat today so Im sure my calories are probably still on the low side. All I will have the rest of today is water, since I'm totally stuffed.

Soooo back to the diet I go, and guess what! ITS ALMOST SURGERY DAY!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day 1-Liquid Pre-op


That pretty much sums up the day.

I know this will be tough, but it's for a good cause. I need to get to experimenting with protien drinks.

I took all my measurements today and my starting weight. I will weigh again the day before or the day of surgery, haven't decided which yet.

The meatloaf I am cooking for the family tonight smells SOOOOOOOOO good. I want to just open up that oven and eat it all lol. Meatloaf happens to be one of my favorite things. I intended to cook it yesterday so I could have a meatloaf sandwich for lunch but it just didnt happen and I had to use the meat today. Ahhhh the things we do for our family.

I have not had much today, about to go experiment with a protein shake, the biggest problem is that my ice maker is not working!!! I planned on making lots of smoothies, well they just arent the same without ice!!

ANyways, today I have had
Carnation Instant Breakfast with fat free milk
Decaf coffee with 2 Tablespoons of Vanilla Creamer
6 oz of Light Blueberry yogurt

Yeah thats not a lot of food.

Monday, February 14, 2011

theworldaccordingtoeggface: Valentine's Day Giveaway

Another awesome giveaway from one of my favorite blogs! I am so thrilled to have found this blog with my upcoming liquid diet and WLS! So many super great recipes to keep me from starving to death ;)

theworldaccordingtoeggface: Valentine's Day Giveaway: "It's GIVEAWAY TIME! Prize: a HUGE 5 lb. Tub of SEI Max Protein (in their Valentine-y pink Strawberry flavor) and a Hot Pink 28 oz. Blender ..."

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Trying not to spaz

So Im getting nervous. Not about the surgery though. I am nervous about the liquid diet.

Yes that sounds stupid.

But I'm fat. And I like to eat. Which is partly why I am fat.

So telling me I cannot have food, kinda sucks!

I think I've got the main drinks I will have over the next several weeks. Broth, protein powders, carnation instant breakfast, jello, etc.

I'm praying by the time I have the surgery I will be used to the liquid diet so it won't be as much as a shock. I hope the head hunger will be gone by then too. And the carb cravings *sigh* I will miss my bread.

I'm sure by the time I can eat real food again I will be sick of all liquids lol. Really, its going to be about 2 weeks pre-op, 4 weeks post-op, 2 weeks of mushies, then I can introduce real food. So basically 2 months of a liquid diet.

But I am ready, well as ready as I can be to get this process going. I WILL NO LONGER BE FAT SOON! WOOHOO!

Anyways, since tomorrow is the last day before the liquids begin, I am going to pig out. I am going to my favorite coffee shop probably twice tomorrow ;) I will be making a meatloaf tomorrow too so I can have my beloved meatloaf sandwich for lunch. Then for dinner, we will brave the crowds while a friend watches the kids and hit up Outback Steakhouse for dinner. I can just taste the bloomin onion now ;)

So wish me luck. I am sure I will be back in the next few days to complain.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I have a surgery date!!

The group I had been going to all said it would take at least 2 weeks out from my shrink appt before I would be scheduled to meet with a surgeon. The day after my appt, I got a call from surgery asking if I could be there Friday morning. UM YEAH! Of course I would be there

I was terrified going into the appt, hoping I would like the doctor since he is not the one I orginally wanted. Well his intern started to scare me a bit. He was suggesting that I might be better off with the RNY. NO WAY did I want that surgery and my family would have flipped if I switched to it anyways. He was going on and on about how I could lose 10% more of my weight, well no thank you, at my weight its not worth the addition risks to lose a few extra lbs.

So he went off to get the doctor, now I had read up on him already, everyone said he was a great surgeon but had a bad bedside manner. What do I care about that though?? All I care is that he knows what hes doing. Well I thought he was great. He is very direct, he doesnt sugar coat things, which is great! I appreciated that he was so straight forward with his expectations of me and what I can expect from him too. He is very conservative in his treatment and repeatedly told me if I have any issues post surgery to make sure to contact him ASAP and not to play the waiting game with anything. He is also putting me on blood thinners for 30 days. Normally he only has patients with my BMI do it while in the hospital and saves the blood thinners at home for patients with a BMI over 50 but because I had issues with clotting in pregnancy with no known cause (all my labs for clotting and autoimmune disorders were fine) he thinks its best to just play it safe and do 30 days worth. I really did like him and felt totally at ease with the surgery once I left my appt.

Most the doctors at the hospital only require a 1-3 day liquid diet pre surgery but he requires 2 weeks sooooo now Im trying to prepare myself for that. Im going to start it on the 15th because there is no way Im starting it on Valentines day lol.

Ive started buying protein drinks, bought AMP today to try, hoping its not too terrible, especially since its on sale at GNC right now

ANyways, my surgery is this month!!!! YAYYYYYY!!!!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

YES! I'm sane ;)

Contrary to popular belief, I am not crazy woohoo!

I FINALLY had my final mental health eval. I was booked for a 90 minute appt. I was out of there in 15 minutes.

Oh yes, people, that means I am not crazy enough to need the whole 90 minutes LOL!

Despite my confidence that I would pass the eval, the night before the appt I started to get a little nervous. My best friend quickly assured me that I was nuts and would be committed haha.

So I went in for the appt totally on edge. The doctor thankfully had a sense of humor so that put me at ease. He started out asking if I had any questions. SO I asked what in the world was with the crazy questions on the test. He laughed, then explained that its to catch people who are "people pleasers". Ya know the type that will say they love everything even if they dont just to make you happy. So it makes sense.

He asked a few questions about the surgery I want, basically trying to get a feel if I knew what I was getting myself in to and how to handle the changes.

Please. I have been researching for months at group meetings and online. I'm ready.

He then went over my test results, even showed them to me. The only thing I scored "high" on was health concerns. Um duh, IM having weight loss surgery for a reason lol. He said that was totally expected.

He said there was nothing concerning on my test or our in person meeting and he feels I will be very successful given my determination to get healthy and get this stuff moving!

So now I wait. Again.

The psychologist will write up his report by the end of the week, he will submit it to surgery and to my bariatric case manager. Then I can call and schedule my consult with the surgeon and get my date set.


Friday, January 21, 2011

What kind of test was that?!

Good grief! I went in this week for my mental health assessment. This test was INSANELY long! Nearly 600 questions.

And most had absolutely nothing to do with weight loss surgery.

I get that the doctors need to make sure Im mentally all there but really?! 600 questions! AND I STILL HAVE TO MEET WITH THE DOCTOR FOR 90 MINUTES!?!

A portion of the test gave your 4 choices for your answer. Not at all true, Slightly true, mostly true, and very true.

Now brace yourself...

One statement I had to choose an answer for was "My favorite sport is pole vaulting" SERIOUSLY! I am not kidding people.

Another "My hobbies are archery and stamp collecting" REALLY!?

I spent quite a bit of time texting my bff and my hubby these random questions so they could laugh too.

Wierd statements were just thrown in the test randomly inbetween statements regarding drug and alcohol use OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.

I am so glad the test is over with, that was 2 hours of my life I will never get back lol. Now I get to wait til the first week in February for my actual appt with the pyschologist, so we can go over my test and I can be deemed unfit for surgery because I am not a fan of pole vaulting, stamp collecting, or archery ;)

Monday, January 17, 2011

He's how old?!

Time sure does fly by. Way. Too. Fast!

This week my little man turns 7. How did that happen so fast???

It seems that he was just born, now here he is turning 7. *sigh* And of course now I have cooties. So loving on me is a rare thing these days. Every once in awhile I can get him to come sit by me and just cuddle but most days, I just have cooties and he cannot be bothered lol.

7 years ago, I lay in a hospital bed, on hospital bedrest, with severe pre-eclampsia and suspected HELLP syndrome. My husband had just come home from training out of state on a Red Cross message. Our son and I were both struggling to stay alive.

We had been struggling for weeks. I was told I was being dramatic, I was told I had heartburn, I was told my ribs were inflamed, over and over, I was told there was nothing wrong but there was and all it took was a little blood work to see that yes we were sick, VERY sick. I was quickly put on bedrest at home but it just wasn't enough. Steriod shots were given to me in hopes of maturing our very tiny babies lungs.

This was no regular pregnancy. You see, I was only 27 weeks along, we still had another 13 weeks before he was supposed to be born. But we were dying. And no I am not being dramatic. My liver and kidneys were quickly shutting down, my blood pressure was through the roof, I saw spots before my eyes, I had intense upper right quadrant pain from the whole liver issue. I was swollen up so bad it was difficult to even find a vein. Our little man's growth had nearly stopped, the flow that should go through the umbilical cord was nearly non existant.

After an ambulance ride we found ourselves at an amazing, more equipted hospital where I was informed I would stay until the end of my pregnancy. I had no idea the end of my pregnancy was that night.

Things were progressively getting worse by the minute. My new perinatologist said it was either a c-section or death. The chances of me surviving an induction were practically 0. Our son had only a 50/50 chance of being able to handle and induction anyways. So that night, our first child was born, weighing in at 1 lb 12 oz and 13 1/2 inches long.

We had a long road ahead of us, being born so premature meant months in the NICU, time on the ventilator, CPAP, nasal canula, remembering to breathe on his own, blood clots, blood transfusions, platlet transfusions, gaining weight, learning how to take a bottle and finally being released with one more short hospital stay over reflux.

Today our son is such a bright, amazing, kind, loving, hysterical little man and most would never guess he started out so tiny.

This year he got to spend some special time out with daddy and a friend. And my grandparents came into town to help us celebrate, he chose Red Lobster as his birthday dinner haha. Now we are preparing for a little pizza party with a few friends to celebrate his special day.

He has been such a blessing to our lives and we are so grateful that God gave us this little boy to raise here on earth ♥


Monday, January 3, 2011

Here we go, welcome 2011

This year is a big year for us.

Next up is my surgery hopefully soon, just awaiting the call from the shrink to get my eval out of the way. I have called my bariatric case manager twice now and emailed her, still no word from her. Shes the one who has to put in my referral so I'm a little anxious to hear back...

Hubby will also be having surgery, this time his jaw will be broken and reset. OW. A few months later his braces will come off just in time for him to deploy


This year my babies will be starting kindergarten as well *sniff sniff* Thankfully its not full day, I'm not sure how I will handle being home alone for even a couple hours. I keep holding out that maybe, just maybe, hubby will change his mind and we can go back to homeschool or better yet, I'm hoping our Church finds property quickly so we can get our school started there.

In more surgery news, I've officially started buying the new foods I will eat. Like sugar free jellos, sugar free Torani syrups *which I've read are super good*, and also making the switch to decaf coffee. Next up protein powders and sugar free Carnation Instant Breakfast.