Friday, March 11, 2011

This is really, really hard

There is a phase I have read about many, many times in the online Weight Loss Surgery forums I frequent. I am in that phase now.

In the beginning stages you are not allowed much, well really it depends on the surgeon, some people are allowed to eat normal food right away. Um, yeah, there is NO way I could handle that. I am in the full liquid stage right now, similar to my pre-op diet HOWEVER my sleeve can not handle half, well most, of what it did when I had a full on regular old stomach.

Foods make me nauseous. I am not getting enough in, I live on water and the occational few ounces of greek yogurt or decaf tea with nothing in it or a sugar free popsicle. I tried cream of chicken tonight, um note to self, use only water, not milk to make the soup with, the milk makes it far too creamy and it made me feel worse.

I am lucky to get in 100 calories a day right now. I would be surprised if I got anywhere near that most days.

I really enjoyed sugar free protein pudding prior to surgery and now its just too much, it makes me feel sick.

So back to this phase I am in, most people begin to wonder WHY this did this to themselves. WHY couldn't I just do this myself?! Why did I have to surgically deal with my non-stop weight issues. This is torture. Eating so little is not fun, especially healing from such a major surgery. Smelling the foods you love is so hard knowing you cannot eat it. Trying to function has not been easy.

Thank the Lord my husband has been able to be home with me for the last two weeks. I have needed him so much. I am tired so easily. Going up and down the stairs leaves me winded, my pulse is still high too, and really it makes my life harder. I have children to care for and just have not been up to do all it takes, so he has been such a blessing to have around. He has done the babysitting, the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping all of it.

He has been cooking the most amazing meals too, Quesidilla Casserole and he even made homemade Alfredo sauce one night. A few nights I told him just to take a break from cooking and grab something, tonight I even went out and bought McDonalds for the family. It was torture driving home with that in the car but I knew he needed the break and our son had a minor surgery today and that was his only request so I caved. I didn't want to eat the food but I wanted to just taste it, chew it, then spit it out because the idea of eating makes me nauseous right now.

So I guess I am done rambling. This phase is hard and a huge part of me wishes I have given in and not gotten the surgery.

Oh and I am down 16 or 17 lbs in 11 days. That puts me at nearly a 30 lb weight loss in 3 1/2 weeks. Crazy if ya ask me.

1 comment:

Aubrey said...

wow cassie...i can't imagine...100 calories a day??? I wouldn't feel like doing much food no energy!! I hope you leave this phase quickly and get to down some high calorie shakes soon! :( I'll be praying for you...congrats on the weight loss though...I know you'll get through this...bravo to a great husband! :)