From that to this

Even my hubs has changed, his braces are FINALLY off!

Small sizes don't last!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be complaining about skinny people clothes ;) Why is it that my fat clothes seemed to last FOREVER but these skinny clothes just don't last?

I am now inching towards 8 months post op. And I am still losing. Slowly. But the weight is still moving down. Since my last update I am down another 8 lbs, putting me at 142, however I flew right though an entire clothing size! Seriously. It lasted like a month, if even that.

Not long ago I was super excited to squeeze into a size 8. Two days ago I had to go buy a pair of size 4 jeans because 6s were falling off. I am now buying small shirts too. WHAT?! Craziness! Many times my husband and I discussed that I would probably be in a 6 once I had a tummy tuck. Uh yeah. If I am already in a 4, will I actually get smaller once I have the oh-so-lovely 3 c-sectioned, twin carrying gut removed?! After many complaints and dealing with issues with the plastic surgeon I am preparing to go see my surgeon again and discuss a tummy tuck with him and pray he takes sympathy on me..

It's not just an issue with vanity. I am not one of those girls that just wants to wear a bikini because frankly bikinis kind of freak me out. I don't like the idea of everyone being able to see that much skin on me, so no, you won't ever catch me in one. It's a matter of comfort and decreased pain. Looking in the mirror does gross me out. And it's not just because I was fat and have excess skin, it is actually an issue with having had 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years. And having carried twins. You see the excess skin and of course the fat that is left there hangs over the crease from my c-section scar. I actually broke down and measured it a few days ago. The excess hangs 2 1/2 inches below my scar. When I measured around it and under it at the scar, there is actually a 3 inch different in the size of my waist.

Then there is the medical side of it, which my primary doctor is dumbfounded by this new plastic surgeon I saw, is claiming it to not be medically necessary. I cannot eat sitting upright, if I do, the fat/skin pushes up and restricts even further what I can eat. Now it's important to know how little I still eat. I am sitting around 1/4 cup of food at a time. If I sit up right like a normal person that amount is about cut in half. I have to stand or sit leaning back right now to eat. It's annoying. Then the issue with jumping. I cannot run or jump at all unless I bind my gut tightly and that is just not comfortable. If I jump up the excess flops up with me and flops down HARD. Add in back issues that cause daily every day of my life, a lack of muscle strength from the previous surgeries, and scar tissue that has caused pain, you can imagine how painful that whole jumping/running thing becomes. It's just not pleasant.

Overall I am so glad I went through with this surgery, though it didn't fix all the problems, like the sleep apnea that is just as bad now as it was before, it was still worth it, even with the complications...

Woohoo for giveaways

I have been wanting to try these products forever so head on over and enter this giveaway! http://homesteadinghomemaker.blogspot.com/2011/09/blog-giveaway.html

GGGOOOAAALLLLL!

I cannot believe it. It has been 6 1/2 months since my surgery and I have lost all the weight I wanted to. Every last stinkin ounce. 90.0 lbs to be exact. I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and imagine my surprise to see that I now weighed in at 150.8 lbs. The best part? No one believes I weigh that much ;) Gotta love having a body that can hide the weight haha!

So now here I am, weighing what I haven't weighed in 10 years. Yes seriously, I weigh right around what I did when I got married nearly 10 years ago. There was a short time period when I did get close to this weight due to some serious medical issues after the birth of our twins but that was short lived.

I can fit into my wedding dress. I can wear two juniors skirts I had from when I was a teenager. My rings are too big. Everything is too big! YAY!

Now that I have hit my goal I am beyond thrilled. I never cared too much about my weight, it was more wanting to fit into a size 8, which I do. Now I might just go for a size 6 ;)

Where were you?

10 years have passed since his horrible day...

I remember where I was, do you?

I didn't have children yet. I wasn't even married. I didn't even know my husband yet. I had never sent someone off to war. I was just a teenager who had just graduated high school a few months prior.

I had gone to my best friends house the night before. We stayed up late and planned to sleep in late. For some reason we both woke up. Her dad was in the kitchen and told us to turn on the tv. She turned it on, I thought it was a movie.

There is no way this was reality. Stuff like that doesn't happen in the USA. It. Just. Cant. Be. Real.

She changed the channel, there it was again. And again. And again.

We spent the morning watching the news until it was time for me to go. We watched it all happen. Over. And over. And over again.

I had never felt so scared, how could this happen? Who did this? Why did they do this? Are they targeting where we were too? Would I be safe to drive home? So many thoughts ran through my head that day.

I was terrified to drive home, scared to be on the fwy. Scared someone was going to crash a plane into somewhere I was going to be.

So many lives lost. So many families torn apart and left devastated and forced to rebuild a new life. So many heros risked their lives and many lost their lives trying to help the others get out.

And now here we are 10 years later. I have since met my husband, married my husband, sent him off to war twice, had 4 children, buried 1 of them, dealt with the PTSD after affects of war and countless other life experiences. And now little by little watch as our own country falls apart. Praying for no more terrorists attacks but knowing there are people who hate us. People who cannot stand freedom. People who cannot stand the one true and living God. It's an evil world. 10 years ago today, our eyes were truly opened to the evils of this world. So many lives changed forever.

Yet we have a chance now to look and see God's hand in this, He has carried us through this terror, He promises an eternal life in Heaven if we just trust in Jesus Christ. We don't need to be scared anymore. We have eternal life on our side. Praise the Lord for that!

I know I will never forget September 11th, 2001....

Restriction and 6 months

One of the best parts of the sleeve is restriction.

One of the worst parts of the sleeve is restriction.

The good part is that it forces you to limit what you eat. Let me tell you from personal experience, if you eat too much, even one tiny little bite over where you know you should stop, you risk feeling pretty crummy. You end up feeling like you ate a 10 course meal after 1/4 cup of food. You learn quickly where to stop yet temptation rises from time to time and you just HAVE to have 1 more bite and you pay for it.

Restriction from stress is the most annoying part though. Amazing how our bodies react to stress, it reacts in ways you never imagined. Like in your stomach tensing up and not being able to eat more than a few bites. This is where I am at right now. And it is not fun. To give you an idea of stress restriction today I started off the day with half a string cheese. Normally I can eat a whole one. For lunch I had 2 tortilla chips with a little salsa and about 1 tablespoon of shredded chicken in an enchilada dish at Church. For dinner I ate 2 tortilla chips and 1/4 of a chicken croissant. I just ate another 1/4 of the croissant. These are the small ones too so you can picture how little it really was. There was no room for any other snacks, nothing because my sleeve has tightened up so drastically. What a pain!

So after all that complaining, I will say I am still glad I had the surgery. It has been 6 months since I went under the knife and sit only 5 lbs from goal and I am not even concerned with losing that last 5 lbs. Apparently in person I look much smaller than I am, MUCH smaller. The latest comment was between 115-125 lbs! Craziness! And this came from different people at different times. I weigh 155 lbs right now. Granted I always was able to hide my weight well when I was around the weight I am now. I fit my wedding dress. I fit clothes I wore in high school. It is crazy! I am officially in the size goal I wanted to hit. So I am fine where I am, I don't care if that stupid BMI scale still lists me as overweight, whatever.

I am down a total of 85 lbs and who knows how many inches, I will take those again sometime this week. I go in soon for my 6 month check up and I am pretty certain this time my labs will be off. I am guessing I am anemic but that is nothing new, I spent most my life anemic. I see a different surgeon since my is deployed and I am so curious to see what this surgeon will say regarding my weight. I will also begin the fight for reconstructive surgery. After 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years and having carried twins, my stomach is destroyed and only surgery will fix it at this point.

All that late night rambling just to say I still love my sleeve, even when the restriction hits hard. The results have been well worth it.

"I don't remember that"

Twice tonight I heard the words "I don't remember that" And this was after showing my before pictures. It's amazing how quickly we can forget just what a person we see all the time looked like. I know for me, I find myself forgetting just how far I have come in 5 1/2 months. I am now down 81 lbs. I am 9 lbs from my goal. So stinkin close! Yet at times I feel like I am still just a fat cow. At other times I feel like I have always been as "skinny" as I am now.

Lately there have been so many compliments, this is hard for me to take. I do not like receiving so much attention but at the same time it serves as a good reminder of how much I have changed. I am the same opinionated and sarcastic person I have always been but I don't hide so much from other people I do not know anymore. I am not ashamed of how I look, of course I still struggle with the new image I see in the mirror and constantly wonder if what I see is real but that is normal, especially this early out. So many people comment not only on how I look but how I carry myself, I stand a little taller, I have grown out of feeling the need to dress in frumpy fat clothes, I dress my age, I experiment with styles now instead of looking for the biggest thing I can find to cover my lard up. I put a little more effort into how I look including hair and makeup. My husband loves it. Most men don't encourage shopping but mine, well, lets just say he has restocked my side of the closet ha!

People are starting to see the real me again, the me that was hidden for so many years after struggling to get a handle on my weight. I have even started taking pictures again when I have hidden from the cameras for so long.

And now I am at a point where I am trying to fix the years of damage done to my body, it will take plastic surgery to fix my stomach, there is no question there. I have been on the wait list for 2 years anyways to fix that, long before I even considered WLS. After 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years, the last of which being twins, there is no hope in my stomach naturally going back to what it ought to be. Just tonight I couldn't help but laugh at the reaction of several ladies who had no idea just how much is left of my stomach, it hides well under clothes but once you grab a handful, it is shocking. Needless to say their jaws dropped when they saw just how much was hiding ;)

So here I am in the home stretch, ready to hit my goal!