7 years...

Yesterday marked 7 years since my husband and I had to say goodbye to our second child, a beautiful little girl, far too soon. 7 years. My baby girl turned 7 years old in Heaven.

It was quite the emotional day, as it is every year. We rejoice in her life and knowing she is with the Lord yet as her parents our hearts ache for her. Our arms ache for her. It's a pain that no one can describe. As parents you never expect to bury your child. You expect they will outlive you. You expect to watch them smile and cry and giggle and run and dance and get married and have children and the list goes on and on. But sometimes that just doesn't happen. Sometimes those dreams and expectations come crashing down around you.

I'm not going to lie, sometimes I am angry. I look around at a world of parents that kill their children, that neglect their children, that choose their own selfish desires over their children and I get angry. I'm not angry at the Lord. I'm angry at people who take their children for granted. And yes, I am jealous. Sometimes I see a parent that treats their child like dirt and I want to smack them silly, I want to tell them of the life they are missing out on but it doesn't matter because they won't listen.

I miss my daughter. I miss her like crazy. I am so glad that some day I will be with her again. I know she is well cared for. She is cared for in a way I could never even do. But of course as a mother, my selfish desire is to have her here with ME. With her daddy and her brother and her sisters. I wonder if she would have chosen the same theme for her birthday as her twin sisters did. They chose Hello Kitty this year and had a great party with friends and their great-grandparents that came in from out of state to spend the week with them. We kept those decorations up for her birthday and we have pumpkin cheesecake and sang her happy birthday. We sent her balloons. Doing the same thing we always do for her, to remember her by, to let her know she is not forgotten. Yet still, it never feels like it's enough.

We did receive a wonderful gift yesterday. A lady named Rachel, from the town where she is buried surprised us with a picture that she had taken of Kaitlyn's gravesite, not only had she gone by but she had taken flowers and a balloon. Something most people would never even think about brought a peace to my heart and tears to my eyes. To think, someone I barely know, someone who did not know my baby girl, cared enough that she went out of her way to bless us in such a way, a way that she probably didn't even realize would mean SO much to us, to remind us that she is not forgotten as parents fear. Being on the other side of the country from where she is buried is hard on us. I know, we know, she is not there, she is really in Heaven, but going to her grave just gave me peace of mind, well it's I think that I felt closer to her there, like somehow I could be near here. It's not something I can explain. Every time someone goes by there and takes a picture of her grave, it just means the world to us...

Happy 7th Birthday my sweet little angel...

What a difference a year makes!

Well here I am, officially a year out from the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. This time last year I was in intense pain and 115 lbs HEAVIER. Today I am 25 lbs below my weight loss goal and weighing in at 125-127 lbs, maintaining quite well now :)

I am still fighting my sleeve to eat and drink enough but at least I am no longer losing. After having an Upper GI and a EGD done the decision has been made. In a few weeks I will be going in for a panniculectomy, which is basically a tummy tuck to get rid of all the excess skin and while under the GI will come in and attempt to dilate the portion of my sleeve that is kinked in hopes that it sticks and I will be able to eat more again. Praying for good results on both!

Today I found out I was picked to be one of 10 finalists in the Progresso Souper You contest!! Voting is March 12th-25th. People can vote daily :) The 3 people with the most votes get round trip airfare for 2 to LA, hotel, food, car service, $1,000 cash card, $1,000 clothing card and a full on makeover for the contestants, including hair, nails, and makeup! AND the coolest part? Tickets to the live Biggest Loser Finale!! The other contestants get $100 cash card :) So either way, I'm a winner and super excited at a chance at some awesome prizes thanks to Progresso!

It has definitely been a life changing year!

The restriction continues...

Generally when it's just stress my sleeve only clamps down for a few days. This time? Not so much. It's been a few weeks now and my weight has gone crazy. Down a total of 114 lbs now, weighing in at 126 lbs. Way less than I ever expected to weight. Officially in a size 2 now! Craziness.

I finally had to give in to see the doctors. The drastic weight loss 10 months post op and well below goal was concerning. My inability to eat bothered me even more.

So I had a scope done. Again. I think it was #4 or #5. Can't believe I have lost track.

We suspected a stricture, a simple thing that would have just required a balloon to expand the stricture and I could have gone on my merry way and eaten normally again.

This is not what was found though. Instead a gastric polyp was found, removed and biopsied. I have chronic gastritis and a sample was taken of that as well. Also Gastric mucosal abnormality characterized by erythema-also biopsied. Quite the name, don't ya think?

Basically my sleeve has inflammation and redness, the biopsies should show if there is something further going on, clearly something HAS to be up for me to have inflammation and redness still at 10 months out. H Pylori is suspected, the symptoms fit and the good news is that if this is what it is, strong antibiotics and continuing my PPI should clear it up. But I will not know for a few weeks which is a total bummer.

In other news, my friend Missy texted me today, telling me her mom is in kidney failure and expected to die in the next 3 days :( So PLEASE pray for Yolanda...she needs all the prayers she can get...

My Sleeve is Not Always My Friend

Most of the time, my sleeve and I get along just fine. Tonight? Not so much. Of course I have a bajillion things on my mind. I was insanely busy today, I spent way more time on my feet than I normally would, I was on the go, all day today. But I could not sleep. I finally fell asleep and my sleeve decided not to cooperate and here I am after 2 hours of off and on sleep.

It will be a LONG day. My day consists of being gone all day. Which means no lazy, Sunday afternoon nap like normal.

You see, if I am stressed out my sleeve likes to clamp on down and give me a ton of restriction. Normally I can an entire string cheese for a meal (sounds lame, right? ) and this is ok with me. When stressed, I can usually eat about a 1/4-1/2 of a string cheese. It can be a wee bit scary when you know you barely eat enough anyways.

The good news is that my sleeve will chill in a few days, she is just picky at times.

She also does not appreciate when I space on my medications.

One of the drawbacks of my sleeve and the complications I had/have dealt with, is acid reflux. Something I had only suffered from in my twins pregnancy. Now? It's a normal every day part of life that exists of 2 Nexiums and 1 Zantac a day. It's not normal reflux like most people have. It's a direct result of my surgery and me being a complete freak show and NOW having a Hiatal Hernia, when most have it before and have it repaired during their WLS.

Ya see, my body likes to keep it interesting.

Stupid me, was distracted this morning and spaced on my Nexium. So I took it before we ate dinner. And then I spaced and did not take my second dose later in the evening. My bad.

In other sleeve related news, I have continued to lose weight. Craziness I tell you. I am at the point where I am (when she is happy) trying to increase my calories with more healthy fats (ok and some candy lol) to stop losing. At some point my body will be happy and just want to stop naturally but I don't think I want to know just how low it wants to go. My current weight is 134 lbs. Um yeah, I haven't weighed this since early high school, like sophmore year kind of high school. I didn't think it could happen. I actually fit into juniors sized clothing. Uh yeah. I have 4 kids and I can wear juniors! Even better? I was in a 5 juniors and I need to move down to a 3!!

Life in general is super crazy. Between homeschool and Tae Kwon Do and kickboxing (for me), cooking, cleaning, shopping, Church responsibilities, and a ton of other responsibilities we are always on the go these days.

My friend Mike I mentioned recently went home to be with the Lord. We are thankful he is no longer in pain but our hearts break for his wife and family :( The week prior to that we had an 87 year old lady go Home too. So it's also been a very emotional time for all.

I suppose that is enough rambling from this sleep deprived state....So I will leave you with the only recent (and not so flattering picture of me in a size 8 dress that is now way too big on me!) pic of the kids and I, ignore the crummy quality

Sometimes it is hard to stay positive

Praise the Lord I know He is in control...

Because sometimes it is so hard to just stay positive when watching so much illness around...

There is a lady that I love dearly. She was always like a mom to me. She is my YoYo <3 A few days ago her daughter, who was my best friend in high school, contacted me to let me know YoYo was in the hospital and the doctors thought it was cancer. And that it was affecting many organs. She has been in pain for quite awhile.

I called YoYo today, she started to cry. She said she knew something was wrong but ignored it. Today the diagnosis came back as Stage 4 metastatic liver cancer. They cannot operate. They said if anything they could do chemotherapy. For now she is still in the hospital and once she is home she will get to go see an oncologist and start figuring out what the next course of action is. Her husband, I call him RiRi, is sick too. It's a miracle he is still alive as he has been sick for as long as I have known him...

They are both fighters and I praise the Lord for that.

Then there is Mike. Mike is one of my closest friends husband. He is a trustee in our Church, he is the associate Pastors son. He loves the Lord, he loves his family, he loves his friends, he is an encouragement to all those around him right now. Mike has cancer. Mike is not doing well and was taken back to Hospice today. He is only in his 20s and losing his battle with cancer. My friend, only 28 years old, is facing a life without her husband.

I. HATE. CANCER!

From that to this

Even my hubs has changed, his braces are FINALLY off!

Small sizes don't last!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be complaining about skinny people clothes ;) Why is it that my fat clothes seemed to last FOREVER but these skinny clothes just don't last?

I am now inching towards 8 months post op. And I am still losing. Slowly. But the weight is still moving down. Since my last update I am down another 8 lbs, putting me at 142, however I flew right though an entire clothing size! Seriously. It lasted like a month, if even that.

Not long ago I was super excited to squeeze into a size 8. Two days ago I had to go buy a pair of size 4 jeans because 6s were falling off. I am now buying small shirts too. WHAT?! Craziness! Many times my husband and I discussed that I would probably be in a 6 once I had a tummy tuck. Uh yeah. If I am already in a 4, will I actually get smaller once I have the oh-so-lovely 3 c-sectioned, twin carrying gut removed?! After many complaints and dealing with issues with the plastic surgeon I am preparing to go see my surgeon again and discuss a tummy tuck with him and pray he takes sympathy on me..

It's not just an issue with vanity. I am not one of those girls that just wants to wear a bikini because frankly bikinis kind of freak me out. I don't like the idea of everyone being able to see that much skin on me, so no, you won't ever catch me in one. It's a matter of comfort and decreased pain. Looking in the mirror does gross me out. And it's not just because I was fat and have excess skin, it is actually an issue with having had 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years. And having carried twins. You see the excess skin and of course the fat that is left there hangs over the crease from my c-section scar. I actually broke down and measured it a few days ago. The excess hangs 2 1/2 inches below my scar. When I measured around it and under it at the scar, there is actually a 3 inch different in the size of my waist.

Then there is the medical side of it, which my primary doctor is dumbfounded by this new plastic surgeon I saw, is claiming it to not be medically necessary. I cannot eat sitting upright, if I do, the fat/skin pushes up and restricts even further what I can eat. Now it's important to know how little I still eat. I am sitting around 1/4 cup of food at a time. If I sit up right like a normal person that amount is about cut in half. I have to stand or sit leaning back right now to eat. It's annoying. Then the issue with jumping. I cannot run or jump at all unless I bind my gut tightly and that is just not comfortable. If I jump up the excess flops up with me and flops down HARD. Add in back issues that cause daily every day of my life, a lack of muscle strength from the previous surgeries, and scar tissue that has caused pain, you can imagine how painful that whole jumping/running thing becomes. It's just not pleasant.

Overall I am so glad I went through with this surgery, though it didn't fix all the problems, like the sleep apnea that is just as bad now as it was before, it was still worth it, even with the complications...

Woohoo for giveaways

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GGGOOOAAALLLLL!

I cannot believe it. It has been 6 1/2 months since my surgery and I have lost all the weight I wanted to. Every last stinkin ounce. 90.0 lbs to be exact. I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and imagine my surprise to see that I now weighed in at 150.8 lbs. The best part? No one believes I weigh that much ;) Gotta love having a body that can hide the weight haha!

So now here I am, weighing what I haven't weighed in 10 years. Yes seriously, I weigh right around what I did when I got married nearly 10 years ago. There was a short time period when I did get close to this weight due to some serious medical issues after the birth of our twins but that was short lived.

I can fit into my wedding dress. I can wear two juniors skirts I had from when I was a teenager. My rings are too big. Everything is too big! YAY!

Now that I have hit my goal I am beyond thrilled. I never cared too much about my weight, it was more wanting to fit into a size 8, which I do. Now I might just go for a size 6 ;)

Where were you?

10 years have passed since his horrible day...

I remember where I was, do you?

I didn't have children yet. I wasn't even married. I didn't even know my husband yet. I had never sent someone off to war. I was just a teenager who had just graduated high school a few months prior.

I had gone to my best friends house the night before. We stayed up late and planned to sleep in late. For some reason we both woke up. Her dad was in the kitchen and told us to turn on the tv. She turned it on, I thought it was a movie.

There is no way this was reality. Stuff like that doesn't happen in the USA. It. Just. Cant. Be. Real.

She changed the channel, there it was again. And again. And again.

We spent the morning watching the news until it was time for me to go. We watched it all happen. Over. And over. And over again.

I had never felt so scared, how could this happen? Who did this? Why did they do this? Are they targeting where we were too? Would I be safe to drive home? So many thoughts ran through my head that day.

I was terrified to drive home, scared to be on the fwy. Scared someone was going to crash a plane into somewhere I was going to be.

So many lives lost. So many families torn apart and left devastated and forced to rebuild a new life. So many heros risked their lives and many lost their lives trying to help the others get out.

And now here we are 10 years later. I have since met my husband, married my husband, sent him off to war twice, had 4 children, buried 1 of them, dealt with the PTSD after affects of war and countless other life experiences. And now little by little watch as our own country falls apart. Praying for no more terrorists attacks but knowing there are people who hate us. People who cannot stand freedom. People who cannot stand the one true and living God. It's an evil world. 10 years ago today, our eyes were truly opened to the evils of this world. So many lives changed forever.

Yet we have a chance now to look and see God's hand in this, He has carried us through this terror, He promises an eternal life in Heaven if we just trust in Jesus Christ. We don't need to be scared anymore. We have eternal life on our side. Praise the Lord for that!

I know I will never forget September 11th, 2001....

Restriction and 6 months

One of the best parts of the sleeve is restriction.

One of the worst parts of the sleeve is restriction.

The good part is that it forces you to limit what you eat. Let me tell you from personal experience, if you eat too much, even one tiny little bite over where you know you should stop, you risk feeling pretty crummy. You end up feeling like you ate a 10 course meal after 1/4 cup of food. You learn quickly where to stop yet temptation rises from time to time and you just HAVE to have 1 more bite and you pay for it.

Restriction from stress is the most annoying part though. Amazing how our bodies react to stress, it reacts in ways you never imagined. Like in your stomach tensing up and not being able to eat more than a few bites. This is where I am at right now. And it is not fun. To give you an idea of stress restriction today I started off the day with half a string cheese. Normally I can eat a whole one. For lunch I had 2 tortilla chips with a little salsa and about 1 tablespoon of shredded chicken in an enchilada dish at Church. For dinner I ate 2 tortilla chips and 1/4 of a chicken croissant. I just ate another 1/4 of the croissant. These are the small ones too so you can picture how little it really was. There was no room for any other snacks, nothing because my sleeve has tightened up so drastically. What a pain!

So after all that complaining, I will say I am still glad I had the surgery. It has been 6 months since I went under the knife and sit only 5 lbs from goal and I am not even concerned with losing that last 5 lbs. Apparently in person I look much smaller than I am, MUCH smaller. The latest comment was between 115-125 lbs! Craziness! And this came from different people at different times. I weigh 155 lbs right now. Granted I always was able to hide my weight well when I was around the weight I am now. I fit my wedding dress. I fit clothes I wore in high school. It is crazy! I am officially in the size goal I wanted to hit. So I am fine where I am, I don't care if that stupid BMI scale still lists me as overweight, whatever.

I am down a total of 85 lbs and who knows how many inches, I will take those again sometime this week. I go in soon for my 6 month check up and I am pretty certain this time my labs will be off. I am guessing I am anemic but that is nothing new, I spent most my life anemic. I see a different surgeon since my is deployed and I am so curious to see what this surgeon will say regarding my weight. I will also begin the fight for reconstructive surgery. After 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years and having carried twins, my stomach is destroyed and only surgery will fix it at this point.

All that late night rambling just to say I still love my sleeve, even when the restriction hits hard. The results have been well worth it.

"I don't remember that"

Twice tonight I heard the words "I don't remember that" And this was after showing my before pictures. It's amazing how quickly we can forget just what a person we see all the time looked like. I know for me, I find myself forgetting just how far I have come in 5 1/2 months. I am now down 81 lbs. I am 9 lbs from my goal. So stinkin close! Yet at times I feel like I am still just a fat cow. At other times I feel like I have always been as "skinny" as I am now.

Lately there have been so many compliments, this is hard for me to take. I do not like receiving so much attention but at the same time it serves as a good reminder of how much I have changed. I am the same opinionated and sarcastic person I have always been but I don't hide so much from other people I do not know anymore. I am not ashamed of how I look, of course I still struggle with the new image I see in the mirror and constantly wonder if what I see is real but that is normal, especially this early out. So many people comment not only on how I look but how I carry myself, I stand a little taller, I have grown out of feeling the need to dress in frumpy fat clothes, I dress my age, I experiment with styles now instead of looking for the biggest thing I can find to cover my lard up. I put a little more effort into how I look including hair and makeup. My husband loves it. Most men don't encourage shopping but mine, well, lets just say he has restocked my side of the closet ha!

People are starting to see the real me again, the me that was hidden for so many years after struggling to get a handle on my weight. I have even started taking pictures again when I have hidden from the cameras for so long.

And now I am at a point where I am trying to fix the years of damage done to my body, it will take plastic surgery to fix my stomach, there is no question there. I have been on the wait list for 2 years anyways to fix that, long before I even considered WLS. After 3 c-sections in 2 1/2 years, the last of which being twins, there is no hope in my stomach naturally going back to what it ought to be. Just tonight I couldn't help but laugh at the reaction of several ladies who had no idea just how much is left of my stomach, it hides well under clothes but once you grab a handful, it is shocking. Needless to say their jaws dropped when they saw just how much was hiding ;)

So here I am in the home stretch, ready to hit my goal!

Would ya hurry up already?!

I am an impatient person.

Extremely impatient.

Right now I am far too impatient.

I am ready to hit my goal. I know, I know. Just quite whining, right? Yes I should just be happy that I have lost 74 lbs and counting yet that impatient part of me is ready to just hit goal. I'm ready to replace all my clothes and get clothes that will fit more than a few weeks to a month. Instead I continue to waste money buying these clothes that just won't last. I should be glad they won't last but wasting money drives me crazy. I have no choice but to buy them, I am out of my "skinny clothes" (which were not really skinny clothes lol), hubby does not appreciate when my clothes are falling off lol.

I have had no luck lately at the thrift shops, and trust me I have hit them all. Apparently when you are skinnier you are supposed to wear jeans that allow other's to see your fat gut hanging over them or see more than they should from behind. Everything is so low cut.

Over the weekend hubby insisted we go shopping, I did get some awesome deals but it took a lot of shopping. You see, clothing manufacturers must think we are all either teenagers or 90 years old. I am neither. I like to dress conservatively, leaving a little something to the imagination yet still look cute. It seems these manufacturers don't believe in conservative dress anymore.

At any rate, after hours of shopping over 2 days I walked away with a pair of heels, a pair of DCs (super cute black, pink and white shoes!), 2 pairs of jeans, 5 shirts, 2 shrugs, 1 pj shirt, 3 pj shorts, 4 tank tops to layer with, and a bunch of undergarments. Thankfully the only things that won't last are the pants and I got those on sale.

I am still amazed I can fit into a size 12 jean. Sounds big to some but man alive! It has been years since I fit into a size 12. I held them up and told my husband there was no way they would fit. And then they fit. HA! Just further proof that it takes a LONG time for the mind to catch up the changes.

72 lbs in 4 1/2 months at OneTrueMedia.com

So this took a lot of talking myself into it. This is one of those things that a person wants to share to show how far they have really come yet they fear sharing just how bad it really was. It's embarrassing to look back at these pictures but it's amazing to know I will not go back there again. I was fat, I felt gross, I looked awful, I was flat out miserable in my body.

Now don't get me wrong, I am still not happy with my body but I am not nearly as embarrassed as I was all those months ago. Making this video forced me to look back and see just how far I really have come. It's easy to let your mind play tricks on you and make you think you are still that same old fat girl even when you see the scale and the measuring tape move so drastically. But when you look at the pictures, you are forced to see what you looked like and what you now look like.

So after much talking to myself and my husband pushing me to show it, I will share my 4 1/2 month post-VSG results video. Eventually I will get around to taking more body shots but I still tend to hide from the camera and I'm not exactly sure where my camera charger is anyways ;) Oh and I should point out I am now down 74 lbs ;) I made the video last week. 16 more to go!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

WHAT?! How many inches?!

Tomorrow is my 4 month surgiversary. Hard to believe it has been 4 months since I went under the knife again.

So in honor of my weigh-in day I also took my measurements. Apparently I have not done so since 1 month post-op.

Let me just say, the amount of inches lost off my body was shocking.

Now I know I was fat. Even now I am still considered "over weight" by the BMI scales but according to everyone I look like a normal weight now. When the kids and I went to visit my grandparents for their wedding (long story but yes they just got married after 36+ years) she was amazed at just how much I still weigh, she thought I was a good 40 lbs less than where I am. KInda nice to hear. And grandma is not one of those to lie to make you feel better kinda people. I guess I hide my weight well.

So anyways, back to the measurements. I have lost 63 3/4 inches off my body. YES people, you read that number right. What a HUGE number. Part of me is seriously embarrassed over the fact that I have lost that much and yet still have another 22 lbs to go until I hit goal. The other part of me says BOOYAH!! I know my clothing sizes have changed drastically and I know the scale now reads 68 lbs less but still! THat number is amazing.

Once hubby came home from work, I showed him the numbers. At that moment it dawned on me that I have lost my height in inches off my body. INSANE! I am just under 5'4. I stood there just trying to figure out how in the world a person can lose as many inches as I am tall?!

So there it is, out in the open.

The best part is knowing I will not go back to that. I can eat anything I want but in very small quantities. I do not deprive myself. If I want ice cream, I eat it, it's just 1/4 cup verses the 2 scoops I would have eaten before. If I want chips I eat 5 or 6 and I'm full. No longer do I sit and inhale 1/4 of a bag of chips. If I want to go out to dinner, I eat a couple of bites off hubbys plate, not only does it save us money but it also cuts down on his portion size as well.

Though I now take acid reducing meds (hopefully this is just temporary) and I eat less than a toddler, I live a normal life and eat normal stuff just like everyone else.

And another giveaway :)

Loving all these great blogger giveaways today, this one looks really cool too with so many great things up for grabs to make the perfect party :)

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I'm such a sucker for a giveaway

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3 months and 59 lbs.

Who would have thought in 3 months I would be down 59 lbs?! I am literally only a few ounces from being a full on 60 lbs down. Totally crazy if you ask me. I am only 30 lbs from goal. CRAZY!

Finally I am eating normal again. Tonight I am eating a new favorite from Denny's. Its a grilled tortilla with sauce that taste just like Thousand Island on it, ground beef, lettuce, tomatoes and cheese on top of that. So good! So easy to make at home too so that is awesome.

I haven't found anything that I cannot eat, but I have found tastes to be totally different, stuff I loved before, I no longer can stand. Sweet things taste way too sweet. I am not one of those post-ops that completely eliminates real sugar, I cannot stand fake sugar so if I need it, I use the real stuff. Most things I use the normal fat types vs the low fat, tastes gross, with plenty of added junk to make it taste halfway decent.

I also do not measure my foods, I just eyeball it and if it ends up being too much I toss it when I am full. I do not track what I eat either, so many WLS people track their calories, protein, carbs, fat, etc. I just don't do it and it works fine for me. I do eat protein first, fruits/veg next, carbs last.

I am terrible with taking my vitamins too so I was pleasantly surprised at my 3 month post-op appt to find my labs looked fine. My vit D was a little low, not surprising considering where I live. My bad cholesterol was a little high, good cholesterol a little low, and my parathyroid intact was a little high. I will go on a once a week Vit D pill for 12 weeks to take care of that, exercise for the cholesterol and since the rest of the labs look fine there is no concern over the parathyroid intact.

All in all things look fine. I have slowly finding more energy but still dealing with occasional pain daily. Because of the pain I will go in for another scope. The original plan after my hospital stay was to go in for 2 more scopes. One has been done to close the hole in my sleeve and this one was up in the air. Since the pain comes daily the decision was made to go ahead and look to see if there is a stricture. Hopefully this will be the last one.

It's just amazing to see all the changes in my body :)

I love giveaways!

I love this site and was thrilled to see an awesome giveaway this morning for a Shaklee cleaning kit. I hate having a million bottles of cleaners, I like to keep things simple and I prefer cleaners without all that gross harmful stuff in them. I have been considering giving this stuff a try so hop on over and check out this awesome giveaway.

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So much to cover

So my blog was temporarily deleted and now I am back.

A few weeks ago my husband was off training. Then I started getting these phone calls. Creepy calls. And the caller knew too much about me. I was freaked. My husband was freaked too especially being so far away and unable to do anything to "protect" us. The calls came from various numbers, all local numbers. I called and had the numbers blocked but not much you can do when the numbers are all different. It turns out the calls came from some phone app ugh! AND the calls came from my little brothers friend. I was furious!! Of course I didn't find this out until after I had already filed a police report and changed my phone number as well as deleted any personal information, including my blog.

My brother didn't realize it was as big as a deal as it was. He tends not to realize the obvious. At any rate it had me very scared and now I would like to punch my brother in the nose. Good thing he lives out of state.

So finally my husband came home from his training. During the time he was gone, I was not feeling well, I was having lots of pain, thankfully I made it through until he came home. He came home on a Saturday night, Sunday we went to Church and then out to eat with our Pastor and his family to celebrate my husband and my 9th wedding anniversary. By Monday the pain just continued to get worse. My husband came home early from work and sent me off to the ER.

Because the pain is in my chest I had an EKG, then chest x ray. Then sat in the ER waiting room or 4 hours before I was finally called back. Another EKG, pain meds, labs, constant heart monitering, and a CT, I was admitted.

The next morning I had a scope done to check to see if anything was wrong in my sleeve. I had what is known as a stricture. basicially an area of my sleeve got too tight, they ballooned it open. Over the next few days the pain got worse and nausea set in in a big way. I had another CT, a swallow study (WORST TEST EVER AFTER HAVING WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY!!!), lots of labs, which lead to blown veins and eventually a PICC line being put in), another x-ray, then another scope. This time the scope showed a small hole near the top of my sleeve, they wanted to glue it from the inside to help quicken to healing process. Of course my hospital ran out of the glue that is needed so I sat around waiting for it.

My surgeon wants the most conservative approach taken, Praise the Lord for a good surgeon who doesn't like to take risks. During the whole time I was unable to eat or drink and I swelled up like a balloon from all the fluids.

Yesterday after much begging I was discharged after 12 days in the hospital. I just started being able to tolerate pureed foods yesterday which helped me to get home. I kind of pushed as hard as I could, knowing I would heal better at home and knowing that I needed my family with me. I still have not been glued since it didn't come in on time but the hole is small enough that they do not believe anything is leaking from it or causing issues other than pain. So next week I will be scoped again and a week or two later I will be scoped again to balloon open the sleeve again.

My husband has been absolutely wonderful during this whole thing. He had to take leave from work to take care of the family. He did all his responsibilities plus mine. What a relief to know that I married a man who so willingly took care of everything while I was gone. He visited me daily which was a blessing. It is so lonely in the hospital, even when you are forced to share a room...I started out in a 4 person room and ended in a 2 person room. Hubby even took care of the babysitting responsibilities that I had committed to. He is really an amazing man. I felt terrible not even being home for his birthday last week. A friend made dinner for the family and brought cupcakes that day though so that was a blessing.

I am so thankful to finally be home to recooperate. The whole thing was very trying on my body. My body is weak as it is. So this just made it more difficult.

Thankfully my aunt flew in today to help out and she leaves the day my grandma flies in to help out as well.

Next week hubby has surgery so it will be my turn to take care of him.

Pain meds are kicking in so I suppose I should head up to bed before I crash out on the couch.